You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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