Screwed.edu
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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