Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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