this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
