I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My ass is underappreciated
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
