Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
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I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
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She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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