Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
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Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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