Jerry, you need to find god
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
