Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
