I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
