Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
