i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
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bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
soo... how was my night?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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