I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
