atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
