the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
