Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
How external is "for external use only"?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
