I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
