I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
