I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
