I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
