Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think I won the penis lottery.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
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You made out with two different species that night
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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