my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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