tell your sister to shave her snatch
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
