the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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