I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
