I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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