ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
We need to rekindle our bromance
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize
