the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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