when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
