Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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