lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
