I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Come on in and take your pants off
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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