if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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