Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
