Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize