There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
