when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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