And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
