Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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