Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
