i would punch a child for taco bell
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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