i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
