Can Purell be used as lube?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
