Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
