So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
