no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
