So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
