It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I did not marry a roomba.
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