Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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