Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I want to make a zoo with you.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
