perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
