she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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