Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
