the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
