We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
