OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
