i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
