Moan for me like Helen Keller
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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