What did we do last night that was yellow?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
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I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
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i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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