If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
