this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
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i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
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can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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