I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We named our party play list daddy issues
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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