love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
