im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
