i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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