I must be too annoying 4 u.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
