Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
