What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
