After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
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