matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
