The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
